


Swing and a Miss: A Secret Santa Tale

by sreka



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas Fluff, Get Together, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mostly Crack, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:46:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28411878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sreka/pseuds/sreka
Summary: “Just kill me, Lily.”“Here: candle, poems, mints. Best you’re going to do.”“Lovely. I’m sure I’ll manage to burn his house down, depress him, and offend him. Definitely charming.”“Maybe just... don’t ever tell him you were his secret Santa?”In which Remus is very good at gift giving, Sirius is very bad at gift giving, and Lily and James are meddlesome matchmakers. A belated Christmas tale.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 147





	Swing and a Miss: A Secret Santa Tale

**Author's Note:**

> siezethedaypoets on tumblr has a really lovely secret santa prompt that inspired this, not that I interpreted it faithfully. 
> 
> Give me prompts on tumblr at smodernlife.

**The Pick** : **Friday**

James sauntered over to Sirius’s desk, shaking an oversize santa hat in front of his computer screen. Sirius craned his neck to the side and continued typing.

“Hold on a second, I’ve just got to…”

“No, no, no! Holiday spirit comes first!”

“But I--”

The hat shifted a few inches to the left, dancing in front of his eyes again and obscuring the email he was trying to write.

Sirius sighed, recognizing defeat, and leaned back in his chair, spinning slightly to face James. James shoved the hat under his nose.

“Pick!”

Sirius shoved his hand in the hand and glanced up at James curiously, feeling nothing but small bits of paper inside.

“Wait,” he said flatly, finally taking in James in his full and festive glory.

James was grinning madly, felt antlers perched on his head, and an ugly Christmas sweater actually glowing with lights somehow.

“I don’t want to do secret santa,” he complained.

“Too late, you already picked.”

Sirius withdrew his hand quickly, holding his empty palm up to James.

“No, I didn’t.”

James yanked a piece of paper out of the hat and dropped it in Sirius’s hand.

“And now you did,” he said, sauntering away.

He turned back and smirked at Sirius’s deep frown.

“Cheers!”

~~~

James rounded the corner, and sprinted down the hall, heading towards Lily’s desk.

“Okay,” he said, breathless, “did it.”

“Perfect!”

Lily grinned up at her fiance before returning to her task. She was writing the name Sirius Black on two dozen small scraps of paper.

“Now toss those,” she said, pointing to the hat, “and start folding these.”

James dumped the hat full of Remus Lupins in the trash, plopped down in the empty chair next to Lily’s cubicle, and began folding furiously.

~~~  
  


“Take a pick, any pick!”

His office door opened and, before he had a change to look up and greet his visitor, a santa hat suddenly dropped from above, flung over Remus’s computer screen and blocked out the report he was finishing. A little metal bell on the end tinkling merrily as it shook manically.

“Wha-- oh hello, James.”

“Hello!”

Remus took his hands off of the keyboard and peered up at James, trying to suppress his irritation at being interrupted. He could hardly yell at the CEO’s son, so he settled for a look of mild confusion instead.

“I’m sorry, what did you need?”

“Today’s the day to pick your name for secret santa! It’s one of our annual traditions here.”

“Ah. I see.”

“Yep,” James said, popping the final letter and shaking the hat again.

Remus plucked a folded piece of paper out of the hat. He set it down next to his mouse.

“So, when do I bring the gift in?”

“Ah, ah, ah. Five gifts actually!” James said happily.

He looked around for a spare chair.

Remus didn’t keep one in his office.

“Give me a second!”

James ducked out of the office. Remus could hear his muffled voice talking to someone in the room next door. Absentmindedly, Remus unfolded the paper and glanced at it.

_Sirius Black._

Oh.

He felt himself flush. As an unofficial Potter, Sirius was as well-liked and well-known as James and his parents around the building. He was wickedly smart, very funny, and very, very gorgeous. Remus had met him on his first day at work and realized that, for his own sanity, he would have to stay far away from the man.

This was easier said than done. Both Sirius and James were a force of nature, and their relentless energy was encouraged by the elder Potters. They organized company lunches, summer picnics, happy hours, football games; they truly treated their little company like family, and Remus - who preferred things quiet and calm - was equal parts pleased and stressed by his inclusion in the little group.

He folded the paper up quickly as James came back into the room, hauling a wooden chair behind him. He pulled it up in front of Remus’s desk and leaned forward, elbows propped on the desk, fiddling with the rim of the Santa sat.

“I forgot you weren’t here last year.”

Remus nodded silently.

“Right so. We do five small gifts over five days. A few years ago we decided to give everyone a prepaid card with fifty pounds on it, so most people do tend to stick to ten pounds a gift. But you can spend more or less if you’d like.”

“You’ll leave your gift in the break room each morning. Try not to drop yours off until the room is clear, so people don’t know who has who. And you can collect your gift after your lunch hour, but not before. That way everyone has a chance to get theirs in. On the tag, you’ll write who it’s for, but not who it's from, until the final gift on Friday. Make sense?”

“Yes,” Remus said, mind already spinning as he considered the various gifts he could give Sirius.

“Excellent!”

**Attempt #1** : **Monday**

“Hello, Remus!”

“Oh, hello Lily.”

“Oooh who do you have for secret santa?” Lily asked, catching up to Remus, who was holding the elevator door open with one arm. She was eyeing his little present with interest.

“I’m not sure I’m supposed to tell you,” Remus said teasingly.

She rolled her eyes.

“James takes this thing so seriously.”

Remus made a noncommittal noise; he was still hesitant to say anything less than complimentary about any of the Potters. Especially to James’s fiancé.

“Fine, don’t tell me who. But tell me what it is?

“It’s a set of reusable straws.”

“Oh! That’s excellent!” Lily gave Remus a little swat on his arm out of excitement.

“I hope so,” Remus said, thinking fondly of the environmentalist tirade he had overheard Sirius direct at the owner of the coffee shop next to their building.

He tried to suppress the smile that was threatening to burst onto his face. As usual, thinking about how unlikely it would be for Sirius to want to date him did the trick.

“It will be perfect.”

~~~

  
“What’d you get?”

James ran up to Sirius, throwing an arm around his shoulder and pulling the man away from the break room door.

“Excuse me, aren’t you supposed to be allowing me to enter the room in peace, so you don’t have any idea of who I have?”

“Oh, you forget, I already know who you have.”

“You do?”

“Yes, of course. I keep track of who everyone has.”

“But you didn’t even ask to see the paper!”

“Er. Right. Well. I checked all of the scraps after and wrote it down by process of elimination.”

Sirius stared at him dubiously. James swallowed, worried he was caught out.

“You’re mental, Jamie,” Sirius said with a shake of his head.

James's face split into a wide grin.

“So what is it?”

“Well, you know I have,” Sirius looked around and dropped his voice to a whisper, “Remus, right?”

“Mhm, right, right,” James said, eyes glinting.

“So of course I drove myself mental all weekend trying to come up with something for him.”

“Is that why you were texting me asking about the research team’s book club?” asked James, who knew perfectly well that was why Sirius had asked him about the research team’s book club.

“Yes,” Sirius groaned.

“What’d you end up getting him?”

“Ugh god, it’s so stupid. I couldn’t think of anything. I thought he liked eggnog? He mentioned that once, I think.”

“So you got him eggnog?” James said, eyeing the small, rectangular package.

“No, a set of mini Bailey’s creams with all different flavors.”

“Oh, that’s probably good, everyone likes Bailey’s,” James said reassuringly.

~~~

Sirius snuck into the breakroom no less than seven times after lunch. Remus’s gift was still untouched. He left his gift as well, hoping for an excuse to run into the other man.

At five o’clock he stood in the juncture point between two hallways; one leading to the breakroom and one leading from the researcher’s offices. He had his coat and hat on, but left his gloves off - a decoy to explain why he was standing still in the hallway, should anyone pass by.

He heard an office door close. He pulled on one glove slowly.

“Goodnight Black,” Bathilda Bagshot said.

“Goodnight,” Sirius said with an impatient smile. He waited until she had passed and stripped off the gloves again.

Another office door closed.

He pulled a glove on slowly, eyes darting up the hallway to see who was coming.

“Sirius! Haven’t seen you all day. How are you?” Marlene asked.

“Good, good,” Sirius said.

“Heading out?”

“Uh, in another minute or two.”

“Alright. Hey, let’s plan to get lunch sometime in the new year, alright?”

“Sure thing, Marls.”

And the glove peeled off.

Another office door closed. A few light steps on the carpet. A tawny head of hair, bent down and reading something in a manilla folder.

Sirius shoved the gloves in his coat pocket and took a few purposeful steps towards the break room. He pulled open the door and looked back expectantly at Remus, holding the door open for the man.

“Oh, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Ah, so which one are you?”

Remus walked into the room and joined Sirius at the break room table. Just two presents remained. Sirius made a show of glancing at the first name tag, reading it carefully as though it wasn’t written in his handwriting.

“Here you are!” he said cheerily, passing the box to Remus.

“Thanks,” Remus said.

“You’re very welcome.”

Remus pulled open the refrigerator and pulled out a half-empty container of food. He put it in his work bag slowly. Sirius unwrapped his gift mindlessly, just for something to do while he waited for Remus. He wanted an excuse to walk to their cars together. But Remus was now heading out the door.

“You should unwrap that here. Some kinds of wrapping paper needs special recycling.”

“Oh,” Remus said, looking at him in surprise, “I didn’t know that.”

“Mhm. The shiny kind, mostly.”

“Oh, well, this looks safe, then.”

Sirius glanced at the gift - which he had wrapped in 100% recycled paper - and nodded dumbly.

“It does.”

“Just to be safe, though, I guess I should unwrap it here,” Remus said slowly.

Sirius gave him an encouraging smile. Lupin was an incredibly cautious man. It was one of the first things Sirius had noticed about him. Well, the fact that he was very good looking was the first thing. But the second thing, the thing that made Sirius swoon, was watching him frown at two containers of tea, one caffeinated and one uncaffeinated, and spend nearly five minutes reading the label of each before pouring himself a glass of water.

“I’ll do mine as well. This does need special recycling,” Sirius said.

“Oh! Wonderful,” Sirius whispered as he tore open his packaging.

“What is it?” Remus asked.

“Reusable straws. But from a really lovely company. I’ve been a fan of theirs for a long time. I wonder if James has me. Or Effie. God knows I haven’t shut up about them to the Potters,” he snorted.

“How nice,” Remus said, a soft smile on his face.

Sirius returned his grin.

“And what’d you get?”

Remus held up the little package.

“Oh, nice,” Sirius said.

“Do you like these?”

“I do, yeah.”

“Do you want them?”

“I, uh. Well no, I don’t want to take your gift.”

“No, it’s alright. I don’t drink.”

Remus held out the Baileys, still smiling sweetly.

Sirius had no choice but to take them.

And to return home and down each and every one of them.

**Attempt #2** : **Tuesday**

There was a knock on his door around lunch time.

“Hello!”

Remus winced.

“Hi, James. How can I help you?”

“Just coming in to say hello!”

“Oh well, hello,” he said, shifting away from his computer.

“Let me go get a chair.”

Remus groaned silently.

“So I couldn’t help but notice,” James said, hauling the chair in behind him, “that your gift for Sirius isn’t in the break room.

“Oh,” Remus said with a start. He fumbled in his bag, trying to find the gift.

“If you’ve forgotten that’s fine, we actually keep a whole stash of spare-”

“No, no, sorry. I haven’t forgotten. Well, I forgot to put it in there this morning. But here it is.”

“Wonderful!” James said, beaming, “I’ll take it for you, shall I?”

“Um, alright. Thanks. I’m trying to get this report in before five, otherwise…”

“No problem,” James said, snatching up the little jar-shaped gift.

“What’d you get him?”

“I… how do you know I have Sirius, anyway?”

“Oh I keep track of who everyone has.”

“Right, but… nevermind,” Remus said with a shake of his head.

James was inspecting the gift carefully. It was wrapped in plain wrapping paper this time, perfectly recyclable. Remus had contemplated wrapping it in newspaper - reduce, reuse, recycle and all that - but he figured it would give himself away.

“It’s a glass jar for dog biscuits with his dog’s name etched on it.”

“Oh, man. That’s great. How’d you know his dog’s name?”

“Er. Well,” Remus blushed hotly, “he’s not really… well, he’s pretty loud. And I’ve met his dog a few times.”

“You met Padfoot? Really? When?”

“Over the summer,” Remus said, shifting uncomfortably under James’s scrutiny, “he brought him in a few times.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess he did. Thought maybe the two of you met up or something.”

“Er, no.”

“Okay,” James said, grinning, “well, I’ll take this to the break room for you!”

“Thanks, James.”

Remus dropped his head onto the desk the moment the door was shut.

“Oh, by the way,” the door reopened and James leaned in, pausing when he saw Remus face-down on the desk, “…you alright?”

“Yep, fine,” Remus said, straightening up.

“So, um. We were going to get lunch on Friday for everyone. You don’t have any dietary restrictions or preferences or allergies or anything, do you?”

“No.”

“Wonderful!”

“Well, I don’t really eat much meat. But I’m assuming you’ll have vegetarian food?” he said, gesturing to James, whose mother headed up the company alongside her husband, and stocked the staff room with vegetarian samosas almost weekly.

James’s face fell slightly.

“Rrrright. Yes.”

~~~

“Okay, red alert. No good. No good. He said he ‘doesn’t really eat much meat.’”

Sirius groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

“Why am I so rubbish at this, James!? I swear I’ve seen him eating meat before.”

“Well, he said he doesn’t eat it much,” James said, placatingly, “so he probably does eat it sometimes. Maybe he’d like these…”

James held up the package of artisanal jerky.

“And if he doesn’t…” James said, sniffing the package experimentally.

“Just take them. I’m going to run out and buy something now.”

“It’s after lunch,” James said pointedly.

“Well, distract him or something. Don’t let him go in there.”

“Alright,” James said, “I bet Lily and I can come up with something.”

He snatched up the jerky and unwrapped it as he left.

~~~

Mittens. What could be more safe than mittens?

Sirius wrapped them haphazardly and tossed them in the small pile of yet-unclaimed gifts.

The door opened and Remus stepped inside.

“Oh, hello Sirius.”

“Hello,” Sirius said, still breathing somewhat heavily.

“Here for your gift?”

“Er. Yes.”

Remus wandered over to the table and sank down into a chair near Sirius.

“Here, this one’s yours.”

Remus slid the present across the table to Sirius, then grabbed the mittens. He peeled the tape back slowly. Sirius watched those lovely long fingers and wondered vaguely what it would be like to-

“Hm,” Remus made a little noise of happiness, and surveyed the mittens with a little smile.

Sirius let out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He tore his eyes away from Remus’s hands and gave him a swift smile.

“Better than yesterday, I guess?”

Remus just shrugged, “I suppose, though obviously it’s the thought that counts and all that. Yesterday’s gift was very nice as well.”

Sirius stared at him open-mouthed for a second, wondering if Remus knew it was he who had drawn his name. Or was he just that kind? He fiddled with his own gift then quickly unwrapped it, just for something to do.

“Oh!” He let out a soft noise of surprise as he took in the beautiful jar.

“It’s good?” Remus asked, still clutching the mittens.

“So good!” He ran a finger across the etched Padfoot.

He turned the jar to face Remus, then said “Padfoot’s my dog.”

“Uh.. oh. Right.”

“This must have been more than ten pounds. I suppose it’s one of the Potters who has me,” Sirius mused.

He looked at the jar again. Remus opened his mouth to say something, but shut it before Sirius could look up to see it. His hands were sweaty warm with embarrassment. Perhaps the gift was too personal. His embarrassment must have been growing, because his palms had started to grow hot and itch. Or… actually… it was just the one hand…

He dropped the mittens back on the table and looked at the hand that was holding the mitten. It had broken out in hives.

“Oh, god.” Sirius said, staring at him.

“It’s fine,” Remus said, frowning. He made his way to the sink and scrubbed it vigorously.

Sirius picked up the mittens and was glaring at them.

Little woolly traitors.

**Attempt #3** : **Wednesday**

“Okay, so there’s no way this can be a problem, right?” James said, surveying the gift.

“I really don’t think so,” Lily said, looking down at the desk.

“It’s going to go wrong somehow, I just know it,” Sirius moaned.

“They’re nice pens!” James said, patting Sirius on the shoulder consolingly.

“He does use pens, at least,” Lily said, “we know that much.”

“That’s true,” James agreed, “and these are fancy pens.”

“Maybe too fancy? A bit pretentious?”

All three looked down at the pens again, heads tilted.

“Hello Lily, here’s the report you wanted for the Smith meeting… oh, those are nice,” Remus said, gesturing to the pens.

He handed the papers to Lily, who accepted them silently, and then walked away, leaving all three open-mouthed, staring at his retreating form.

Sirius waited until Remus had left the hallway, then dropped his head on the desk and let out a strangled groan.

“So, want to go to the store?” James asked brightly, “Lily. You distract him.”

~~~

“Knock, knock,” said a little sing-song voice in his doorway.

“Hi, Lily,” Remus said, smiling up at her.

“I just had a question for you about your report.”

“Sure, what can I help you with?”

Lily pulled up the wooden chair that James had left in his office the day before.

“Well. Here you say… hm… I thought…” she flipped through the pages, frowning.

Remus looked at her expectantly. She looked up and shrugged.

“Well! It’s gone. I’m not sure what I was thinking of, but it’ll come to me,” she sighed and looked around his office.

“Alright,” Remus said, returning his attention to the computer on his desk. Lily didn’t make any moves to leave. He hesitated, then returned his attention to her, not wanting to be rude.

“So,” she smiled, “you’ve been here about a year, right?”

“Eight months, yes.”

“Eight months. Wow. It feels like you’ve been with us forever.”

“It does,” Remus agreed.

“And how are you getting along?”

“Very well, I think.”

‘Getting along with everyone here?”

“Oh yes, everyone’s lovely.”

“Making friends?”

“Yes?” Remus said, surprised.

“That’s really nice,” Lily said, fixing him with an indecipherable look.

Remus just nodded, unsure what was happening.

“Effie and Monty like everyone to be close.”

“Yeah. It’s, uh, a nice atmosphere.”

“It is. So do you see anyone outside of work?”

“Like, our coworkers?”

“Sure. Or anyone else.”

“Are you asking me if I have friends?”

Lily tilted her head and frowned.

“Yeah,” she said slowly, “I guess that’s what I’m asking. Forget it. That’s weird.”

She shook her head and Remus just stared at her.

“Okay…”

“Okay. Right. So. Good secret santa gifts?”

“Yes,” Remus said.

“Really?” Lily asked doubtfully.

“Sure. They’ve been nice.”

“Are you always this agreeable?”

“I… er,” Remus’s cheeks colored a bit.

Lily laughed and opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. In the hallway there was a burst of laughter that could only be from James.

“Well, I’ll let you be,” Lily said, rising.

“Okay… thanks… if you remember your question just let me know. Or email me,” Remus added quickly.

“My question…? Oh! The report. Right. Sure thing.”

Mercifully, she shut his door as she left.

~~~

It was well after five o’clock when Remus went into the breakroom. Sirius’s present was still untouched. He hoped the man had just forgotten it and wasn’t lingering around still, as he was wont to do if a deadline was nearing. Remus was feeling too jumpy to spend time with him now that he’d sent him two fairly personal gifts.

“Hey, Remus.”

Remus shut his eyes and sighed.

“Hello Sirius.”

“You're here quite late. Work okay?”

“Oh fine, just finishing some edits. And you?”

“Trying to get the designs for the next batch of ads out.”

“Oh. Nice.”

Remus picked up a large poinsettia plant that had a card attached to it with his name on it. He fished his keys out of his pocket and headed towards the door.

“Have a nice night,” Sirius said.

“Thanks. You too,” Remus called behind him. He turned left, back towards his office.

“You’re not still working?” Sirius asked, before the door could swing shut.

Remus propped it open with his foot.

“Oh, no. I just need to put this in my office. I’ve a cat so…”

“A cat?” Sirius looked confused.

“Poinsettias are poisonous to cats,” Remus explained.

“Oh. Right.”

Remus hummed, and said his goodbyes once again.

He tucked the plant on the corner of his desk and opened his blinds a bit, so the morning sun would hit the potted plant. It was really lovely, he thought, tearing open the card. It was a shame he couldn’t bring it home.

As he walked down the hallway again, he peeked into the window of the break room door. Sirius was in the room still, thoroughly engrossed in the book Remus had gotten him, some kind of a guide for making cocktails and pairing them with classic vinyls. Both things appealed to Sirius and reminded Remus how utterly cool and out of his league the man was.

He walked to the parking lot clutching the gift card that had been in the poinsettia card. At least he could drown his sorrows with his favorite coffee the next morning.

**Attempt #4 : Thursday**

“He doesn’t drink, I gave him a rash, and tried to kill his cat,” Sirius hissed.

He was walking to the weekly staff meeting with Lily and James, Effie and Monty right behind them.

“You did what, dear!?”

“I have Remus for secret santa and I… yes, I know, I’m in love, it’s very cute,” he said crossly as Effie and Monty grinned at each other, “but can we focus on the fact that I’m rubbish at giving gifts?”

“It’s not your fault. He's a bit of a closed book,” Lily said conciliatory.

“Ooh, maybe a book?” Effie prompted, eyebrows raised.

“I don’t know what he likes.”

“A nice coffee table book? Not a novel.”

“Right, but I still don’t know what he likes,” Sirius said again.

“Get him something on wine. Everyone likes wine,” said Monty, who owned a vineyard or two.

“He doesn’t drink,” Sirius repeated.

James slung an arm around his shoulder.

“What about coffee?”

“A book about coffee? That’s a bit odd, dear,” Effie said.

“Not a book, mum,” James said impatiently, “just like… coffee beans.”

“Might not have a grinder,” Lily pointed out.

“Fine then, ground coffee.”

“Might have a Keurig,” she said.

“Fine then, those little pod things.”

“Might not have a Keurig,” she countered.

“I’m not buying those,” Sirius said, “even if he does have a Keurig. Which he shouldn’t have.”

“What!?” Effie asked in surprise, “why? I love our Keurig.”

“The planet, mum,” James said.

“Oh. Well we use the reusable thingy you gave us,” Monty said, patting Sirius on the shoulder.

“Good,” Sirius said distractedly, still trying to think of a gift he could pop out and buy after the meeting. He’d given up on trying to plan them the evening before.

“Excellent, coffee it is then,” Effie said.

“No, I just got him that yesterday.”

“Why’d you suggest it then!”

“I didn’t!”

“I think you did,” Effie said.

“No, I did,” James said, pushing open the conference room, “didn’t I?”

“Shut up,” Sirius hissed.

Remus and Marlene were seated at the table, apparently mid-conversation. They stopped at Sirius’s tone of voice, Marlene looking up with raised eyebrows, Remus looking away uncomfortably.

“Don’t mind him,” Effie said patting Sirius’s cheek, “he’s just a bit of a drama queen.”

Sirius dropped down in a chair grumpily and opened his laptop.

~~~

Two hours later he was standing in a little used bookstore down the street, wandering up and down the aisles. A coffee table book was out, no matter what Effie said. He didn’t know what Remus liked. Art? Architecture? Cats? Did they make coffee table books about cats?

Socks, maybe? He picked up a pair before he remembered the woolly mittens and dropped them.

Chocolate. Might be allergic.

Coffee seemed to be good. At least, Remus had been holding a cup from the cafe Sirius had given him a gift card to. Everyone liked that little cafe. It was just next to their building, and the whole office frequented it for their morning coffees, their lunches, and their afternoon pick me ups.

He dropped some strange book of poetry he had been holding and walked out of the bookstore, headed to the cafe with a sudden idea.

~~~

“Hi, I have a sort of crazy question for you.”

The young woman behind the counter raised an eyebrow.

“Okay?”

“So, I’m trying to figure out what one of my coworkers likes from here because I have him for a gift exchange at my work. At Potter’s,” he jerked his head towards their building.

“Okay…?”

“So, I know he was in here this morning. He’s a tall guy with sort of light brown hair, kind of wavy. He has a scar across his face?” Sirius drew his finger across the bridge of his nose, down his cheek.

“Oh, sure. R… something?”

“Yes!” Sirius said gleefully, “does he ever get anything else? Like food or anything?”

Sirius was now looking around at the little display cases and the shelves along the wall holding mugs, mints, and CDs.

“Um, I don’t really know. I think he’s gotten this coffee cake before?”

She pointed to a cake in a bundt pan.

“Is there anything in that that’s… allergy provoking?”

The girl raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, everything is allergy provoking, probably? But there’s no nuts.”

“You’ve definitely seen him eat this?”

“Er. Yeah.”

He looked back at the bundt pan, which only had one piece left.

“Do you have a whole one?”

“Um…” she craned her head around, looking through the little window into the back kitchen.

“It’ll be done in a few minutes.”

Sirius glanced at his watch. Only a few minutes before lunch time.

“Alright. Can I get that sandwich too? And this,” he picked up a ceramic mug and some mints.

Might as well eat while he waited. He was already behind this week from his frequent trips out of the office for Remus’s gifts.

He was scarfing down a sandwich when the lunch rush started. A few people from his office popped in and out. Finally, the young girl called his name. He headed up to the counter.

“Here you go,” she said, passing him the coffee cake.

“Thanks.”

He headed out of the cafe with his bag, his pastry, and the remnant of his coffee. He was struggling to push the door open when he looked up and saw Remus on the other side of the glass. He smiled and held the door open for Sirius.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” Sirius said miserably, looking down at the cake. He didn’t move from the doorway.

“Heading back to work?” Remus prompted.

“Yep.” He still didn’t move.

“Okay,” Remus said slowly, moving even more to the side, making it abundantly clear that he was

“Yep,” Sirius said again, finally clearing the doorway and heading slowly back to the office.

~~~

He dropped the coffee cake in the break room without a note, figuring at the very least the office could share it. Then he went back to his desk to wrap up the sad little mug and mints. He had barely even glanced at the mug in the shop, assuming it would be an addendum to a larger gift.

Now he stared at the image on it: a menorah.

Shit.

Unless Remus was Jewish?

But there was no way he was changing it.

He sprinted down the hall to James’s office and flung the door open.

“Where are the extra…. Oh, hi.”

Remus was sitting there, looking surprised by Sirius’s interruption. Sirius was sure he looked equally surprised.

“Uh, sorry. Give me a second, Remus?”

“Sure.”

He took a sip of his coffee. He hadn’t gone for a full lunch then. Just a coffee before a meeting. Lovely.

James joined him in the hallway and pulled the door shut behind him.

“Don’t tell me you need extra gifts.”

“I do. I tried to get him a coffee cake but he saw me, then I got him this,” he held up the menorah mug and mints.

James snorted.

“Go ask Lily to help you. There are a bunch in the storage closet on the second floor.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he rolled his eyes and slipped back into his office.

~~~

Lily and Sirius rummaged through the closet frantically for several minutes.

“Here’s a book of poems I liked. I already own it and James got it for me for my birthday, so I left it here. It’s still new though…”

“Poetry?” Sirius pulled a face, “that seems like a weird gift for someone I hardly know”

“I know,” Lily shook her head and slipped the book back on the shelf.

“So you have mints and that’s it?”

“Yes,” Sirius moaned.

“Here’s some soap?”

“He’s going to think I’m trying to encourage him to bathe more.”

“Maybe he’ll think you want to see him naked,” she teased.

“Just kill me, Lily,” he groaned.

“Here. Candle, poems, mints. Best you’re going to do.”

“Lovely. I’m sure I’ll manage to burn his house down, depress him,” Sirius said, flipping through the sad poems, “and offend him. Definitely charming.”

“Maybe just... don’t ever tell him you were his secret santa?”

“Oh, you think?” Sirius asked sarcastically.

He shoved all of the items in a bag and sprinted downstairs to the break room. None of the gifts had been touched yet.

“Oh, hi again.”

Sirius spun around quickly.

“Hi.”

“That was nice to get that for everyone,” Remus said, nodding to the coffee cake.

“Oh, well. Sure. You want some?”

“Okay. Probably better than my lunch, anyway,” he held up a small brown paper bag and smiled.

“Coffee cake is always better than lunch,” Sirius agreed, slicing him a piece.

Remus thanked him as he accepted it, then glanced through the gifts until he found the little bag Sirius had just deposited.

“Are you eating in here?”

“Um, I… sure.”

“Oh,” Sirius said, surprised. Remus wasn’t one for socializing.

“Me too.”

“You didn’t just eat at the cafe?”

“Um. Yes. But this,” he pointed down to coffee cake.

“Oh, of course,” Remus reddened a bit. Adorably.

He sat down and pulled out a sandwich, taking a bite of it as he opened his present absentmindedly. He didn’t seem to really notice what he had gotten. Sirius was thankful.

Suddenly he pushed one of the gifts over to Sirius.

“This one is for you,” he said, pointing at the tag.

“Oh thanks.”

It was a set of Pantone Color of the Year espresso cups, and a few bags of aristanal dark roast coffee beans.

“Ah!” he let out an involuntary little sound, very pleased with the gift.

Remus looked at the mug with furrowed brows.

“Pantone does a color of the year each year, they’re like the standard for graphic designers,” he explained.

“Oh, I see.”

“Mhm.”

He cracked open a bag of the beans and inhaled deeply.

“So good. Do you want some? I’ve got two cups!”

“Sure.”

He moved to the espresso machine, his own older model that had been quickly donated when he realized he would have to drink drip coffee when working on deadlines. He was grinding the beans and pouring them into the machine when he heard a sharp inhale from behind him.

He finished pouring the grounds in and turned around.

“Okay?”

Remus looked up at him from the little book of poems, eyes unfocused.

“What?” he said finally.

“Um. Nevermind. This is almost done,” he turned back to the espresso and poured two shots.

“Thanks,” Remus muttered.

He seemed tense when Sirius returned to the table. He took the drink from Sirius but didn’t touch it. He had dropped his sandwich. He was flipping through the poems. Sirius watched up through his lashes, trying not to stare, trying to focus on eating his coffee cake quickly and getting out of there.

“Do you know who has me?” Remus asked suddenly, just as Sirius was rising to wash his plate.

“Um. It’s a secret, so...”

“Right. I just thought about you and James being so close… nevermind, though.”

Remus dropped the book back into the gift bag and finally downed his shot.

“Is… are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just weirded out,” he shook his head, as if trying to shake himself free of whatever funk he was in.

“That book of poems…” he trailed off, glancing at the bag.

“It was written by my mother. She died last year, before I moved here. But I don’t think anyone here knows that. Or I didn’t think anyone knew that,” he corrected.

Sirius stared at him with wide eyes and sunk back down into his chair.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Remus,” he said softly.

“It’s alright. It’s not your fault.”

“Er. No. It kind of is.”

Remus looked up at him in confusion.

“I mean, I gave you that. I had no idea, I swear.”

“Oh,” Remus said, the confusion clearing, but his expression not cheering up much.

“I’m so sorry,” Sirius said, dropping his head in his hands.

“I feel like such an idiot. I didn’t even mean to give you that. I… and all of my gifts have been so awful, but this is just… horrible. God, I was so excited when I got you, too. I had all of these ideas but then I realized I don’t know anything about you, and apparently you don’t drink and I made you all… inflamed… and your cat!”

“Sirius,” he felt a hand on his wrist.

He looked up, face hot, to see Remus smiling at him, holding back a laugh.

“It’s alright, really.”

Sirius scrubbed his hands over his face again, more to hide his embarrassment than anything else.

“I’m sorry,” he said again miserably.

“You were excited to get me?” Remus said quietly.  
Sirius just groaned and let himself fall face down on the table.

Remus laughed.

“Well, I’m glad you liked my gifts at any rate.”

It took him a few seconds to understand. He picked it head up, staring at Remus incredulously.

“You had me?”

“I did.”

“How are you so bloody good at secret santa?” he whispered in amazement.

“Well,” it was Remus’s turn to redden, “I don’t know. You’re not really subtle about what you like, I guess...”

He twisted a napkin in his hands, shredding it. He picked at his coffee cake and avoided Sirius’s gaze.

“I’m not that bad, am I?” Sirius laughed.

“Last week when the Pantone colors came out you shouted ‘I fucking love Pantone’ like four times. Definitely helpful when I was googling gift ideas.”

Sirius laughed.

“But how’d you know about Padfoot?”

“You brought him to the office a few times over the summer”

“I suppose I have. I never knew you were around though. You weren’t,” he said suddenly, sure of it.

During the summer Remus had only worked with them for a few months, and Sirius was trying to feel him out, trying to look for reasons that would naturally stamp his crush out so it didn’t grow into the inevitable behemoth that it had become. Remus disliking Padfoot would have swiftly ended the whole thing.

“I would have noticed,” Sirius said pointedly when Remus didn’t respond.

Remus gave him a strange look then asked, “why?”

“What?” Sirius said weakly.

“Why would you have noticed if I was around when you brought your dog in?”

“Er. Well. You know.”

Now or never.

He stood up to make a second espresso, give him a reason to have his back turned to Remus.

“This mysterious, fit new guy at the office… I had to make sure you liked dogs if I planned on ever asking you out. I still don’t know the answer so… you know.”

He ground the coffee beans loudly to give them both a second to absorb that information, give Remus a chance to look for an out.

“Oh! Espresso!”

Sirius shut his eyes and tilted his head heaven-ward, sighing deeply and wondering what he had done to deserve James Potter’s oblivious interruptions.

“Mhm,” he said tightly.

“Make me one, yeah?”

“Sure.”

“Coffee cake, too? Lovely. Do you like this kind, Remus?”

“Oh my god, James,” Sirius said, spinning around, glaring at him.

Remus was grinning broadly now. He caught Sirius’s eye and suppressed a laugh. Sirius felt himself break into a soft smile.

“Hmmm...wha’d I mish?” James asked with his mouth full, glancing back and forth between the pair.

“Sirius was just telling me about my last gift. He’s taking me to dinner tomorrow night.”

James turned to Sirius, swallowing thickly, eyebrows raised in surprise and hope.

“Yeah?”

Sirius kept his eyes locked on Remus’s mischievous golden ones.

“Yeah.”

James stood up, walked stoically over the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of champagne.

“Excuse me.”

He wrenched open the door to the break room, popping the champagne cork as it opened

“WE DID IT!”


End file.
